ONE

BLOODY LATE AGAIN

Kieron Lascher hurried through the streets of Hell, bustling past a range of colorful demons with his heart hammering and a cold sweat forming on his brow.

Please let me make it. I can’t be late. If I fail this exam, I’m screwed!

His pulse was racing as he dashed past the array of stores, his black robes flapping behind him.

He skidded around the corner of the Zombie Emporium, his eyes meeting with those of a talking head in the window as he turned onto Fifth Street. The head’s mouth opened and closed, baring rotting yellow teeth as it continued to speak soundlessly through the glass.

He shook his head and stared down the road.

His heart stopped beating for a moment when he saw the flames bursting out of the rocket-like exhaust pipes on the back of the school bus.

No, no, no!

He lunged down the road as the fiery rockets flared up when the bus pulled away from the curb.

He jumped into the gutter to avoid the crowds milling on the pavement, running at full speed to reach the bus before it left him behind. He pumped his arms, using every ounce of energy he had.

Not today, I can’t be late today!

His heart pounded as he neared the black and red vehicle, the words on the bumper sticker becoming clearer.

MOVE OR DIE, BITCHES!

He was gaining on the vehicle, but he knew it wouldn’t be for long.

Come on. You can make it.

A few feet from the back of it, he leapt into the air, reaching out for the barbed black grill on the back.

A loud squeal to his left caused him to turn his head at the last moment.

Gore, blood and bits of bone splatted him with a force that sent him flying sideways and knocked him onto the pavement.

Blinded by red goop, he wiped the mulch out of his eyes and stared in horror as the bus drove away without him.

I’m a dead demon.

He stared down at his sodden robes. They were drenched in blood and demon guts with bits of brown fur and flesh hanging off them.

He plucked a clump of fur off his robe and swallowed as he stared at it.

A familiar giggle echoed behind him.

He narrowed his eyes and glanced over his shoulder at the impish green demon, which was rolling around on the floor laughing.

“You again!”

It giggled and nodded. There were tears of laughter in its red glowing eyes.

“Seriously, every morning? You do this every fucking morning. Is this going to keep on happening?”

It rolled over and smiled at him, then eagerly nodded.

“There aren’t any other demon lords that that you prefer to fuck with?”

Its grin widened as it shook its head.

Kieron sighed and offered it the clump of brown fur. “You want your friend back?”

It burst out laughing.

He dropped the fur onto the pavement and pushed himself off the ground.

Great, even hell spawn is better at evil than I am.

He knew exactly what had happened. It happened every morning. Whether he was waiting for the bus or late like today, the green demon would push its brown furry friend off the sidewalk and into oncoming traffic for the express purpose of splatting him all over Kieron.

“I don’t know why Trevor is still friends with you,” he muttered to the laughing demon as he plucked bits of Trevor off his robe and gently placed them in a pile on the pavement.

The demon guts began to meld together as Trevor reformed into a brown fluffy blob.

The green demon howled with laughter.

Disgusted by it all, Kieron turned and began walking down the street. Today wasn’t the day for worrying over some blood spatter. It was mock exams this week. If he missed his exams in pure evil, his teacher and parents were going to roast him alive.

The Daemon Academia was too far away for him to make it in time. There was only one option.

He closed his eyes and exhaled.

I can’t believe I’m going to do this.

He headed down the street towards the glowing red storefront ahead. Flames shot out onto the sidewalk in front of the store. Parked at the curb, were a line of motorcycles with hellish pictures emblazoned across them.

He stopped beside the nearest bike with a sigh.

There was a slog beast seated on the vehicle. Its piggish face was covered in dark fur, and its black beard trailed from its chin in a long plait.

“Ready to ride, little …” He trailed off as he stared at Kieron.

“I need to buy a ride,” Kieron muttered.

“Eww, no, look at the state of you.” The slog beast shook its furry head.

“Come on, man. I can pay.”

The creature narrowed its big brown eyes. “You’ll actually pay for yourself to ride?”

“Sure.” Kieron nodded. Most demons only paid to punish someone else on a hog ride, but he was desperate.

The slog beast eyed him. “Alright, but if your head breaks off, I don’t give refunds.”

Kieron gave a nod of understanding before he climbed onto the back of the motorbike. “Just get me to the Daemon Academia before nine. I don’t care if my head is attached as long as I get there.”

The slog beast’s large fangs glistened as he broadly smiled. “I can do fast.”

Kieron clung to the slog beast as they shot through a tunnel of fire at break-neck speed. His body jolted off the motorbike when the driver ploughed through a dimensional wall.

He tightened his grip on the piggish driver’s waist, grasping at its worn leather jacket as his legs flew out behind him. Bursts of fire shot dangerously close to him, scorching his skin as the vehicle roared through the tunnel.

“Do you have to go so faaaaahhhh,” he cried as the road of fire dropped out from beneath them, and they plummeted over the edge of a cliff into a deep black abyss before dropping down towards a field of thorns.

“We need to go fast, or you can’t make the jump.” The driver shouted back over his shoulder. “Plus, it’s fun!”

Kieron whimpered as the motorcycle hit the ground, jolting his body and slamming his hips back onto the passenger seat.

Sharp thorns shredded his robes and skin as they ploughed through the bushes towards the Highway to Hell.

Sweat beaded his brow and dribbled down into his eyes, but he didn’t dare let go of the driver to wipe it away. The salty water stung his eyes, making him blink at the dark shape ahead.

Once his eyes had cleared, they widened in horror. “Truck! Truck!” He pointed to the oncoming monster truck that was zooming down the road ahead of them. They were heading straight towards a collision with the side of the truck.

The driver shook his head. “We’ll make it.”

“We’ll make what?” Kieron asked incredulously as he clung to the bike with his thighs while it roared towards the side of the highway.

“The crossing.” The driver shrugged.

“What crossing?” Kieron’s heart hammered as their high-speed crash into the large black truck seemed imminent.

As the motorbike crossed the highway, he glanced sideways at bright headlights that were close enough to touch. The big rig roared its horn, and then it was gone as they slipped through another portal onto a quiet street in the magic district.

The driver pulled up to the curb and turned to face Kieron. “Delivered safe and sound.” He smiled a toothy grin.

Kieron froze, the reflection of oncoming headlights still blinding his eyes.

Did we make it?

He blinked several times before noticing where he was. Then he rolled off the back of the bike and fell to the ground. His stomach turned over, and he retched for a moment before forcing himself to stand.

“What? No thank you?” the driver said.

Kieron glanced down at the burning embers still glowing on his tattered robes. He brushed back his short blond hair, finding demon guts and soot caked into it. He turned to face the slog beast.

“Thank you,” he muttered, dropping three dark-soul chips into the driver’s hand before turning and staggering up the steps of the academy.

He heard the slog beast laugh as he staggered sideways like a crab when his legs refused to work properly.

He glanced up at the large clock on the front of the majestic building.

At least I made it here in time.

He gripped the railing, pulling himself up the stone stairs towards his classroom.

Just a few more steps.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going looking like that?” A cold voice startled him.

He glanced up to see the dark robes of a professor. His heart plummeted into his stomach as he realized it was Professor Kazaik.

Great, the one person who would rather gut me than help me with this exam.

“Er, to my mock exams,” Kieron muttered.

Kazaik scowled at him with a deadly glint in his dark eyes. “If you try to enter my classroom in that state, I will eviscerate you.”

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