on December 22, 2014 Why is it that out of all the postal services in the world, the Royal Mail is the only one that has difficulty delivering to my front door?
In a house where there is ALWAYS someone home that has both a doorbell and a door that actually rattles when someone knocks on it—seriously, the entire house shakes if you knock on my front door—how is it possible that the Royal Mail manage to ‘miss us’ every single god damn time they try to deliver a parcel?
Rather than an almighty knock followed by a parcel delivery, I get a note telling me that they’re ‘sorry they missed me’. I’m sorry they missed me too. Now, I have to stop working and drag my ass down to their sorting office to pick up my parcel, which makes online shopping a totally pointless exercise.
First, I must point out that countless delivery services come to my front door. Everyone works from home here, so we often order in food or supplies as we crack on with doing our work. It’s a busy metropolis of work and deliveries. But we never have a problem with the delivery services, barring one—The Royal Mail!
For some unfathomable reason, when the Royal Mail tries to deliver to my house, they find it an impossible task.
I wonder if they encounter some kind of invisible barrier that stops their fist from hitting the front door? If so, I can only assume that when they knock, it is on the ether between worlds, which is why I can’t hear it. Rather than press the doorbell, the Royal Mail must press a button in a parallel universe, which no doubt rings only for the imps and demons in the other dimension. While other delivery services manage to avoid this precipice into another realm and actually deliver my fucking parcels, the Royal Mail are doomed, unable to reach me through the great portal that blinds me from their existence.
I can only assume this is the case because not once have I heard the Royal Mail knock on my door or ring my doorbell, but I can quite easily hear all the other delivery people when they drop by.
Even more confounding, I constantly get these little red notes through the letterbox from the Royal Mail, telling me that I wasn’t at home when I most certainly was. I double checked. I was most certainly home and in full use of my ears at the time. Alas, I have no parcels, just a growing pile of little red notes telling me I’m not home. If I were to read them in a literary frame of mind, I may begin to wonder if this house is not my home. Are the Royal Mail trying to tell me something about my origins that I am unaware of? Perhaps I do not belong here? Perhaps the Royal Mail is actually a mystic force for good that is trying to send me towards my greater destiny?
I sometimes wonder how the Royal Mail manage to use the letterbox, but still find it impossible to knock on the door. I guess that will have to be a mystery for another day…
The Royal Mail, ladies and gentlemen, crossing realms and dimensions to try to deliver my mail. Okay, they fail dismally at it, but at least they try. I hope that one day, they’ll manage to work out how to knock on a fucking door. God’s speed my inept little friends.
First of all I would like to say excellent blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to
ask if you do not mind. I was curious to find out how
you center yourself and clear your head before writing.
I’ve had a hard time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out.
I do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15
minutes are wasted simply just trying to figure out how to begin.
Any suggestions or tips? Cheers!
That’s a great question, thanks. My mentor described it the best. Writing is like a workout in the gym. For the first twenty minutes, you have to force yourself to go through the pain, or in writing’s case, force the words out. After that, you hit your rhythm and the words just flow. It’s something that all writers have to do. I’m afraid there isn’t a fix for that first 20 mins of forcing out words. You just keep going until the inspiration kicks in.
Some good tips for writing a lot of good chapters is your excitement level. If you’re excited by the story, then your readers will be, and you’ll write a lot more that day. So writing what you find exciting is always a good method. It delivers more chapters that are more exciting to read.
So on where your head is, I’d say that the best frame of mind is:
– Aim to write for at least 30 mins, you’ll keep writing after that point once you get to it.
– Write something that you find exciting, and you’ll keep writing up to 10k words that day.
I hope this helps 🙂
I am really enjoying the theme/design of your website.
Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?
A few of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not operating correctly in Explorer but looks
great in Chrome. Do you have any solutions
to help fix this issue?
Since the only people who read my blog are spambots or people I know, I really don’t worry about browser compatibility here.
That being said, there are multiple fixes for browsers. Each one depends on the issue. If your website CSS isn’t being read correctly in one browser, it often means that you need to identify the issue, and then create an IF statement in the code to override it. Eg: If IE7 then (insert alternative code here). Another option is the try XHTML since every device on the planet can read it, but that will remove a lot of functionality, like PHP for example.
Other issues can be caused server side though. If your php is out of date on the server, it can cause some headaches. Some Windows servers can’t read UTF-8, which can be a nightmare.
The short answer is that you need to find the issue before you can make the site universally compatible, but the good news is that once you can identify the issue, you can fix it pretty easily.
To my knowledge, there isn’t a site-wide fix for browser/device compatibility. You need to add a fix for every issue that crops up. I think the most relevant one now is mobile device compatibility, which is far more important than different browsers.
Hello Web Admin, I noticed that your On-Page SEO is is missing a few factors—
Hold on there, sport. Let me just butt in the middle of your list of plugins and interest you in some ‘reality’. My day job is as an SEO. I’ve been one for over ten years now, and I’ve had the pleasure of standing in the same room as the almighty Matt Cutts. Oh, yes. I know my shit when it comes to Google, and although Google changes its rules on what sometimes seems like an hourly basis, one thing has always remained true. You can’t automate SEO with a plugin unless you want a lifetime ban of your website. Optimising a website is HARD WORK because you have to create GENUINE CONTENT to rank well in search engines.
Now, I’m not trying to upset your happy land of: ‘Ooo! I made a plugin and it spambots my whole page for me’, but I strongly suspect that it will have a marketing fanfare that sounds like small balloon farting around a room rather than the roar of the crowds stampeding toward my dumbass little blog.
That being said, thank you for posting this shit in my blog seventeen times. Your persistence inspired me to write this post.
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Seriously, on this post? Because I was just taking the piss in this section of my blog… o.o