on February 13, 2012 I just had a pre-Valentine’s Day candlelit bath. You’re thinking romance, rose petals and possibly an expensive spa moment.This is me we’re talking about. Think again!
No, my relaxing pre-Valentine’s Day bath began with a queue outside the bathroom door because EVERYONE in the house had to go to the bathroom before my bath. Oh joy!
Then, there was the quest for the clean towels. Found them, still wet and in the tumble dryer. Ah, what the hell. I turned the dryer on while waiting for the entire planet to leave the bathroom.
Finally, it’s clear. The bathroom is MINE!
I shut and lock the door to stop any other intrusions, and then I get into a nice hot bath–yay.
The water starts running hot-cold, hot-cold. It’s full enough, so I turn it off. So now the relaxing in the bath moment begins. I’ve got a big sponge for a pillow and lots of bubbles, what could possibly go wrong?
I had to ask…
The light starts flickering, not in a ‘bulb about to go’ kind of way. No, it flickers in an ‘Aliens have landed on the house and you’re about to have your brains sucked out’, kind of way. I look at the light. WHY ME?
It insanely flickers again. Then pop, the bathroom is plunged into darkness. Not just a bit dark but pitch black darkness. This room has no windows and has been dropped into a dark, murky world of creepiness. I can feel the water, which is now turning to a bit chilly, but I can’t see it. I suddenly imagine there are monsters in the water. The only noise in the room is my panic breathing and the fan burring.
Suddenly the fan turns off on its own, and I suck in my breath in a moment of pure panic. The room is silent barring the random drop of cold water from the bath tap, which echoes around the room in a haunting manner. Drip, drip, drip…
Like a scene from a horror movie, all that’s missing is the slasher ending (almost flasher ending more like), and I haven’t even washed my hair yet.
So, I tentatively climb out of the bath. I can’t see the floor, so I have to guess where it is. I guess a bit wrong and slip, ending up doing some strange kind of gymnastics where one leg is sliding all over the bath and the other one is hovering in an abyss of darkness. Luckily, I find the floor before I do the splits.
I fumble around for a towel, wrap it around me and then go to find a torch. Because everyone in the house is asleep, I sneak into every room in the darkness like the lost mummy of the toweling empire, holding onto my sodden rag with my hair dripping all over the floor (you ever seen The Ring? Probably best not go there.)
Not one flippin’ torch in the whole house, not one candle, nothing! Refusing to be defeated, I try the kitchen table. I’m sure we had a silver candelabra on the table at Christmas. It might still be there.
Ah ha, found it! My bath shall not be taken from me this night!
So, I sneak back upstairs to the bathroom with my Gothic candelabra lighting my way (might as well go with the Gothic theme, eh?) I put it in the bathroom, get back in the bath and turn back on the hot water. Hot-cold, hot-cold. It’s better than cold-cold I suppose.
Yep candlelit baths, not all their cracked up to be in my opinion. :p
What can I say, a DEAD romantic bath with an almost flasher ending.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Remember to pay homage (or 2.99) to Hallmark ^^.